Page 38 - Spanish Insight - August 2019

How I went from DRINKING EVERY DAY
When I was
DRINKing and being tooTERRIFIED

to leave MY HOUSE

I LOATHED MYSELF - to having a LIFE beyond my Wildest Dreams

now I’m VERY PROUD of who I’VE become Jane is a 53-year-old full-time mother of children
aged 16 and 11, who has an “unbelievable” life
living close to Marbella. But it wasn’t always that
way - far from it… Here she tells her amazing story.

“One morning, at the end of a drinking binge, I’d spent all my money, maxed out my credit cards, it was hot
outside, but I couldn’t face going back to see my girlfriend or family to get some rest,” says Andrew, a 43-
year-old business executive. “So I went to my car parked in the underground parking lot, but realised I couldn’t There was always drinking in my family, my dad was a I kept hearing people at the meetings say they had a “life
mentally abusive alcoholic. There was constant rage and
drive as I could barely walk. I sat there, wanting to be alone and isolate myself from everyone and everything. criticism towards both me and my sister. It was horrific. beyond their wildest dreams”. I wanted what they had, I so
wanted that.
Then I discovered at the age of 11 that booze blotted out Very quickly I found that the more I went to the AA meetings
my fears and the loathing I developed due to the continual and the more people there that I got to know, the more I loved
“Then I cried and cried and contemplated “My aunt was the first person who showed but I went only because one of the people I met criticism. So I thought it was fun to sneak into pubs and drink AA. I loved how the people at the meetings made me feel like
ending my life – but realised I didn’t have the concern about my drinking when I was just 18,” prior to going to my first meeting suggested it was a bit… I was the most important person in the room. The meetings
courage or the means to do it. If I’d had a gun in says Andrew, now settled on the Costa del Sol ‘just information’ that I would find there. I liked that A year later I started to use cannabis too. As well, I always were so much better than I expected.
the car, I would have probably used it on myself. near Marbella. “I brushed that off as nonsense. idea. tried to change the way I felt with relationships, which were Now I’ve been clean and sober since January 2002. To stay
“That was one rock bottom I had that was But looking back on my drinking and drugging “I was also surprised at how welcoming and almost always extremely abusive ones. Looking back, the sober I still go to meetings, and a large part of this is that

caused by my drinking and the way I lived then, career, it was always a problem almost as far non-judgemental people were. It gave me a place only relationship I’d known was like this, because I learned I can now be one of the people who helps some of the people
but there were several others – including back as I can remember: the only real thing that
where I could breathe, a place where I felt safe about relationships from what I saw behind the closed doors who come to their first meetings, in the same desperate state
watching my girlfriend and mother cry because I consistently looked forward to was the next and loved. of my family home. that I was in. Doing this helps me stay sober because it feels
they didn’t know what to do and their love for me bender. “Now I’ve been free from alcohol and all mind- My drinking had already become a problem by the end of fantastic to help. As I did when I first went, people can really
didn’t seem to be enough to stop me doing what
“However, I only realised it was a problem altering substances since June 2012. I also my teenage years. I think everyone must have known. But I
I was doing to myself.” much later in life, aged 34: I’d met someone and realised I had to stop any other behaviours that I’d relate to someone who’s actually been where they are.
It’s frequently unfathomable like this to people didn’t want ‘that life’ any longer, but found myself used to change the way I felt – if not, it wouldn’t just couldn’t stop and stay stopped. Another decade later and I came from an extremely abusive and unhappy childhood,
who care about someone drinking too much. But – despite my own will – going back to it over and be long before I drank or used drugs again. it was extremely noticeable. Even so, I carried on drinking too but thanks to AA my life is unbelievably happy now, one that’s
likewise as Andrew explains, the person drinking over again with increasingly worsening “The 12 Steps we do in AA are an amazing much too often for another five years. filled with love and laughter. I have two beautiful confident
often doesn’t know why they do it, or continue consequences to myself and people around me. path for coping with life and learning to have a Then aged 35, I realised I really needed help – I simply loving daughters, who thank God have never seen me drink.

despite vowing never to touch another drop. “After probably hundreds of successive happy life, sober. In fact, I would rather be a sober couldn’t control my behaviour after the first drink. But even I am also so lucky that I have a considerate loving husband
“I always made excuses before about stopping unsuccessful attempts to control my drinking,
alcoholic with the 12 Steps, than be a non- though I knew this I couldn’t stop myself from taking that first and we hear each other.
and I blamed everyone else, especially those a few violent incidents, a relationship that was alcoholic drinker without them as they have drink. I suppose I’d convince myself that each time it would
My advice to someone struggling with alcohol is please

closest to me. I thought I was going crazy as I falling apart, at risk of being fired professionally profoundly changed my life and the way I look at be different. It was always the same though. just speak to another alcoholic who’s in AA. Call the helpline
really didn’t want to go out on another bender, but for regular tardiness and poor results, deeply in the world. So I’d wake up ashamed at what I’d done or said while number and try some meetings, and see what happens.”
found myself doing it over and over again anyway. debt, the tears of my mother and concern of all “When I was drinking I loathed myself. Life’s drinking – and full of such huge remorse that yet again I’d
“I would often come in to the office with virtually my family, I finally agreed to speak to someone infinitely better now, and I am very proud of the
no sleep, and sit at my desk physically ill from the about it.” person I’ve become.” been powerless over my drinking.
binge, hands shaking, avoiding eye contact with He saw three therapists, without any result. Andrew’s message to someone who might be My rock bottom was when I was living in Holland. All I did AA is located along the entire Costa del Sol and there

my colleagues, hoping that if I kept to myself long Then someone introduced him to a member of struggling with alcohol is a clear: “Ask for help by was stay in the house. I lived there for a year and was too is a meeting with friendly people who will understand
enough no one would notice…” Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). calling the AA Helpline, or reach out to someone terrified to go further than the corner shop – and that was
your problems somewhere near you every day. Call the
Growing up, Andrew had seen his parents drink “At my first AA meeting I was surprised at how who you’ve heard goes to AA and is sober, go to only to buy drink. I had no life. helpline for support: 600 379 110 or visit our website.
especially at parties they had hosted. He’d also many people there were, and how ‘normal’ they a meeting, and keep going to meetings. Things I was in an extremely horrible relationship then. The man

experienced rage and constant criticism, were. I had no idea what it was going to be like, will definitely get better if you do those things.” I was with had other women. So I just drank and took drugs
particularly from his father. alone. I could see no hope and no way out. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
Andrew started drinking aged 11 – “to escape Then a friend of mine mentioned Alcoholics Anonymous www.aacostadelsol.com
my life and change the way I felt”. Aged 18, he Call our HELPline (AA). I had what I now know is called the “gift of desperation”
also used illegal drugs for the first time, starting and so I went to my first meeting. Although I didn’t get it
with marijuana, then ecstasy, ketamine,
psychedelic mushrooms, opiates, and finally lots 600 379 110 immediately to stay sober, many things that were shared
of cocaine. He realises now that as he got older ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS there at the meetings by other people who’d once drank like
he also used relationships, sex, eating and work www.aacostadelsol.com For Support And Information me but who now had their lives back on track – and, in fact,
in the same manner. even better lives than they’d ever known – sunk in.

38 Spanish Insight September 2019